When the envelope came in the mail, I was excited and nervous, but mostly terrified. As if moving to college wasn’t frightening enough, I was going to have roommates. TWO roommates and I, sharing a single room that couldn’t be more than 150 square feet. I read their names, saw their phone numbers. I was too shy to call them, but one called while I was out.
“She asked if you were rushing a sorority,” my mother later told me.
Oh, crap.
We moved in. We did the small talk. She seemed nice.
She also ironed her jeans.
This is where you would expect me to kick into the HORROR STORY portion of the post, but honestly, if she were writing this post, she would be the one telling stories about me — how I was always up late at night typing on AIM to my long-distance boyfriend; how I always slept in because I had been up late; how I was ridiculously messy. But truthfully? We LOVED each other.
I used up all my good roommate juju that year, you guys. And Fat Tony showed up two years later to collect the interest.
By that point, I’d moved into the on-campus apartments (4-bedroom, 2-bathroom units). I was living with my friend (and fellow Girl Talk Thursday participant, woot) Lyndsy and two people we didn’t know. One was innocuous enough, but the other. Well.
She had a touch of the crazay.
It started with small things. Singing while I was trying to watch class (ah, good old TV replay classes. Good times.) Accusing Lyndsy of leaving bowls (that weren’t hers) on top of the toaster oven (also not hers) while cooking food (that, again, was not hers) and melting them. Leaving stray bits of hair all over the place.
Pretty much the one plus to living with her (if I had to name one) was that she was nice enough to leave a Brita water pitcher in the fridge for all of us to share. That is, until it disappeared, and Lyndsy and I noticed she had started keeping it in her room.
A while after that, an apartment-wide argument broke out. I wish I could go into the details of that day here, but it would require a diagram. And 10,000 words of back story. Let’s just say it involved her (singer of songs and shedder of hair) lecturing US on COMMON COURTESY and Lyndsy calling her a racist.
Yeah.
So to break up the two of them before it could get much nuttier, I brilliantly brought up the Brita pitcher. I offered to buy new filters and make sure I washed it … really, anything I could think of that might be what caused her to put the damn $15 kitchen implement under lock and key.
“That’s not why I put it in my room,” she said. “And I don’t want to say why.”
Uh.
“You’ll be mad at me.”
At that point, I think maybe Lyndsy punched her in the face, or did the verbal equivalent. (Note to readers: Don’t get in a fight with Lyndsy. It’s just not pretty, dude.) Whatever happened, she coughed it up.
Looking right at ME, she said, “Late one night, I heard you get up to use the bathroom. I didn’t hear you wash your hands. Then you went and poured yourself some water in the kitchen. The next week after that, I got sick.”
Blink.
Blink blink blink.
She was seriously implying that I … got pee on her Brita? And it made her get sick? Without actually seeing me do ANY of those things she accused me of? (Believe it or not, we kept OTHER BEVERAGES in our fridge! And when I’d use the bathroom late at night, I’d generally wash my hands quietly. You know, COMMON COURTESY and all that.)
All things considered, not the WORST roommate to have, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been accused of anything quite that stupid since.
I bet she loves to tell the story of the roommate who peed in her Brita, though.
So spill it. What’s your worst/funniest/craziest roommate story? (And what would your roommates say if we asked them?)
Wow Diane, I can’t BELIEVE you peed in someone’s Brita! *cough cough*
If she replies to this with that particular story, MY MIND WILL BE BLOWN.
.-= Tatiana´s last blog ..GTT: Crazy Roommate Stories =-.
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Diane Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 7:48 am
That would be sort of insanely terrifying.
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You mean you didn’t deliberately get yourself lined up to aim straight in that filter? Shame on you!
.-= Vic´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday: Roommates =-.
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I’d just like to let everyone know that myself and another friend of ours were hiding out in Diane’s room during this whole debacle, trying our best not to laugh. I’m pretty sure we were doing a terrible job though.
For most of the argument, Diane was positioned so that she could see both me ‘not’ laughing and her crazy roommate being, well, crazy. So I don’t know how she kept it up without laughing herself. Afterward she was just bewildered.
And we’ve said COMMON COURTESY as a reference for years now.
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Diane Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Mostly, I was positioned BEHIND Lyndsy. I think at one point, during the accusations of blatant racism that I wanted no part of, I actually BURIED MY FACE in my pillow.
What you should be commenting with are the stories about your awesome off-campus roommates from that same time period.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..7 Quick Takes – I can’t get no sastification =-.
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dude, i soooooooooooooo want to participate in this one, but honestly fear the amount of shit that would befall the university i attended my freshman year of college if i did. hint: i’m catholic (on paper) and the should was southern baptist.
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Diane Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Post an anonymous comment. I won’t tell.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..7 Quick Takes – I can’t get no sastification =-.
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ps- should = school
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Haha, me and a good friend were roommates for a while, twice actually — tons of crazy crap went down & eventually we realized that in order to stay friends we ought not live together ^_^
Funny times those were — including the time where her cat ate one of my degus, haha. It’s all good — we love, we love!
.-= Desiree Fawn´s last blog ..A Few Of My Favourite Things =-.
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Diane Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Ok, I had to look up what a degu is, and that’s AWFUL.
I totally get what you mean, though. You can be great friends with someone, but sharing space is TOUGH sometimes.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..7 Quick Takes – I can’t get no sastification =-.
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Even if you DID pee in her filter, it’s a FILTER, isn’t it? So no problem.
.-= Ian´s last blog ..New music in September =-.
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Yeah, then you could test to see if the filter really did work.
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I would have peed on her that night.
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Diane Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
*snort*
.-= Diane´s last blog ..7 Quick Takes – I can’t get no sastification =-.
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LMAO
I just about peed on the dishwasher door during a sleep walking episode at age six — does that count?
P.S. LOVE the new Google calendar for the topics! Brilliant!
.-= Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursdays: Roommates =-.
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Diane I always knew you were the dirty pee pee hand type! Bwahahaha! Great story.
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Tales like this one make me happy that the whole roommate experience is one I did not have. LOL I’d probably get the cops called on me a couple times because I’d be putting the smack down like your friend Lyndsy. However I’d be calling her a whole lot more than racist if she accused me or my friend of touching her water pitcher with pee hands haha.
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Dude. I’m kind of embarrassed to say that I’m totally that anal-crazy person who would hoard things in my room to keep anyone from coughing (or peeing) on them. This is why it’s probably a good thing I only had female roommates for two years of my life – and my husband is a very tolerant person. Heh.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..And this is why you wait til marriage =-.
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LMFAO… wish I had thought to pee on the Brita.
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Roomies =-.
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If I had a blog, I’d have the BEST STORIES for this topic.
Let’s see: the ‘Single White Female’ roommate who used to let me use her car without asking (“What’s the difference if you’re stuck without a car or me?”) or would buy two packs of cigs instead of one (“An extra one for you!”) or wrote the names of every band in my CD collection on the leg of her favorite jeans and ultimately cut her hair pixie-short just like mine . . . the list is long.
The there was the girl with the nymphomania who had an entire nighstand full of sexual implements and an Amazon account she used just for batteries. And her drunk-ass boyfriend who drank our mouthwash when he woke up in the morning because we were out of beer.
Oh the list is long.
.-= Andi´s last blog ..10 months =-.
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So is it bad that it ook me over an hour to figure out which roommate story was the one I’d blog about? I have had so many weird and crazy ass roommates I couldn’t choose!
.-= mber´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Roommates! =-.
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When I was thinking about what to write about this topic I have to admit I was a little dismayed to realize that most of my “Crazy Roommate” stories are about things I’VE done. Oops…
I’ve never peed in my roommate’s Brita though. At least there’s that?
Heh, it’s all good. We’re all still friends. And no one has called me racist!
.-= Elissa´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Roommate Love =-.
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I honestly snorted when I read the Brita part. For real. And then I blinked about as many times as you did.
People have issues I can not comprehend.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..Crazy Roommates =-.
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Finally delurking – and posting! – simply because this subject was too good to pass up. Although after reading everyone else’s stories, I’m beginning to think my experience wasn’t that unusual.
At least nobody ever accused me of peeing on anything! Although I wouldn’t have put it past my crazy roommate to have peed on my stuff.
.-= Dinsdale´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday: Roommates =-.
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