Vices

Vices. We all have them. We laugh at some, fear to admit others, mull over, obsess, perhaphs scoff at the rest. I went ahead and Googled vices and was immediately directed to the Dante’s Seven Deadly Sins. Here they are, for our pride and shame.

• Pride or Vanity
• Avarice (Greed)
• Lust
• Wrath or Anger
• Gluttony
• Envy or Jealousy
• Sloth or Laziness

Originally I got all excited to write this post and was thinking “Oh I got this in the bag.” But when I sat down to actually compose it it went something like this:

• Diet Coke
• Tea (hot, iced, chai, boba milktea, green, black, white, you name it i’ll drink it tea)
• Bread (OMG I love good bread but my ass decided I should dial back consumption of that one recently)
• Starbucks Mochas, Chai Tea, Pumpkin Spice and Peppermint Mocha Lattes (duuude! but see above parenthetical statement about my ass)
• Pizza & Beer for comfort, soul food…

OMG my main vices are food. Gluttony. I just love this writing therapy. It’s no wonder I have trouble losing weight. Oh and as I write this? I am eating a sugar free fudgcicle

Dammit.

So I decided to ask my husband what my vices were. He almost snorted as he said “Really?” I think he sensed the entrapment. I am wicked. Then he busted out:

• Diet Coke
• Tea (all kinds)
• Reality TV Shows
• Sleeping on YOUR side of the bed

Uh, ok I am a pretty big Reality TV fan and if I’m invested in the show I do sort of flip out if I don’t get to see it. I *think* I like these shows so much because I like the chaos. I am a routine girl (note above sleeping on MY side of the bed). I like my stability. I like planning. But I am drawn to the shows were the rules change on the fly, the coniving is better than any carefully crafted dramatic TV show or movie. (Sometimes I sit back and say “You can’t write shit this good!”) Maybe this falls in to the envy or jealousy category of vices, I don’t know. These people, they left their lives for sometimes 3 months to go be on TV. I. could. not. do. that. But I admire the freeness of their spirits to committ to it, be it for greed, fame or fortune. Envy? Maybe.

Sleeping on MY side of the bed has been an issue since Hubs and I first got together. He claims I took his side. I claim I was defending mine. I know why I have to have my side of the bed but I really have no idea why it bothers me so much. Like, I can’t sleep. When I am lying in bed I have to sleep on the left side. Why? I sleep on my left side. And I don’t want to breathe on hubs, nor do I want hubs to breathe on my face. I like to curl my knees up to my stomach. If I were on the right side of the bed I’d be pulling my knees to the center, possibily in to his back and that’s just not cool (see my looking out for you honey?!). Does this fall under vanity?

I’ll add to the list and say that I am very proud. I pride myself on my integrity and committement to things/people I care about. But I will admit if I’m wrong or stupid, even if it injures my pride. I’ve been accused of being too proud before and I do realize that by holding too tightly to my identity that it stifles progressive soul searching growth. So I work on this, pretty much daily.

Some might say I hold a grudge which falls in to the wrath category. But honestly, even for the most despised people in my life, I never would wish them harm or injustice. And grudges, in my most esteemed and humble opinion, show the lack of capacity to forgive. And I believe I can forgive the knife scars in my back. But I want to be asked for forgiveness first. (why hello pride, how are you?) I guess this is something else I have to work on. We’ll see how that goes. Don’t go holding your collective breaths.

The rest of my converstion with hubs resulted in a lot of my quirks but perhaps not vices. At least that’s what I’m going with.

This post also got decidedly dark and twisty so I’m just gonna say DIET COKE one more time, then smile and nod.