As an adult, I didn’t end up wearing makeup or having much of a routine. I put on makeup for going out to dinner or to events, but that’s about it. Since it’s so infrequent, it’s actually kind of fun. I enjoy the process and I like buying makeup and playing with it. I’m just lazy as shit and can’t be trusted to brush my teeth twice a day, let alone remember to put moisturizer on.

So beauty secrets? I don’t think I have any in the Seventeen magazine sense, but I do have a few little tricks up my sleeve.

Mainly, I NEVER WASH MY FACE WITH BAR SOAP. And I rarely wash my face more than three or four times a week. (Please don’t ask me how often I shower.) If I haven’t been wearing makeup, I may just wash my face with water and whatever remnants of shampoo accidentally got on my face.

Now, I still break out and my nose is a wonderland of perpetual blackheads, but I mostly have clear skin. My skin is SUPER sensitive so I think the rarely-washing works best for me. I actually get hives just from being nervous, let alone from the effects of any sort of face scrub or too much washing.

My makeup beauty “secret” is always using a shimmery shadow. I think it makes me look more awake when I feel sleepy/frumpy. A bunch of eyeliner and dark shadow looks edgy on me for about 10 minutes. After that I just look scary and the 80’s come knocking at my door all, “hey your mom called and she wants her eye makeup back.”

So what about you? I want to know some cool stuff, because even if I don’t keep up with Seventeen’s 75 Beauty Secrets for Under $10 I actually love to know what people do and what works for them.